


Where We Fall

by maxbegone



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: After Vox Machina, Character Death, Mourning, Post-Canon, Post-Vecna
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-25
Updated: 2018-01-25
Packaged: 2019-03-09 03:22:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,047
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13472664
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maxbegone/pseuds/maxbegone
Summary: Gilmore knew the battle was over the following morning, not that he slept.-A few days pass before Shaun Gilmore is told about Vax'ildan and his deal with the Raven Queen.





	Where We Fall

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted at maxbegone.tumblr.com as a prompt-fill!

 

Gilmore knew the battle was over the following morning. Not that he slept at all. He opted not to stay up at the castle that evening, instead drowning himself in glasses of sherry back at his quarters. There was peace among the streets of Whitestone from what he could gather, and the de Rolo crest had been sent up into the sky by an arcanist. A weight was taken off his shoulders, and he could only hope that Vox Machina had made it out alive. 

The two girls, Cassandra and Kaylie, were back at the castle waiting just like him for some semblance of news. Their friends and allies.  _His_ friends and allies.

Gilmore was restless for the next day, two days, until he finally buggered up the courage to check in on the party himself.

With his robes on and mind somewhat cleared, he swung open his front door and-

"Oh!"

Gilmore jumped back in surprise. "Vex'ahlia. I was just coming up to the castle I-I'm glad to see you're alive." His shoulders dropped with his sincerity. 

The half-elf was standing before him with deep purple circles under her eyes. Her hair was a mess and she was free of her armor. Vex'ahlia wasn't meeting his eyes.

"What happened?" he asked in a grim tone. "Where's Vax'ildan?"

The only response he received was Vex's head shaking back and forth rapidly. With a sudden coldness coming into his chest, he ushered her inside to a chair and immediately poured them both a drink. Vex only grasped the cup in her hands to the point where Gilmore was afraid it would break and cut her.

"How?" Gilmore only managed to get it out once the two of them had drank a third of the bottle, Vex who needed much more coaxing than he had expected. 

 _"How,_ Vex?"

Still not meeting his gaze, she responded. "She took him. He survived but Vax was on borrowed time. For quite a while." 

"She took him." He sat into the back of his chair, the wood creaking.

Vex nodded. "After we first fought Vecna, She allowed him to come back to us, a-and I thought it was a joke at first. We were struggling to find what we needed for his resurrection, and then he was suddenly here again. The agreement was that once Vecna was defeated he had to return to Her." 

"I have to say that I was right," he said after a moment. "I knew I'd see you all again. But why didn't he tell me?"

"Vax just couldn't bring himself to say goodbye to you. Shaun, despite everything he was still very much in love with you. In so many ways. I know that he and Keyleth were together, but you always had a place in his heart, that much I know."  And he was already watching us run around trying to figure out how to save him. In the end we were all denying the inevitable. There wasn't really anything we could do, and I think he had accepted it long ago.

"And really, I don't think he was ready to see someone else he cared for so deeply try to find a way to save him as well. I'm sorry."

"No,  _I'm_ sorry. You lost a brother. Compared to that I only lost..." He paused. Someone he loved? Well, yes. "One of the greatest men I have ever known. Someone who I think about each and every day." 

Gilmore placed his hand over Vex's. "I'm sorry." 

They stayed silent for a few moments and drank. 

"How's Keyleth?" He straightened himself up. 

"Distraught, understandably. She's either been locked away crying or by our side. Percy's been with her all morning, and she hasn't eaten since breakfast yesterday. Even that wasn't a lot." 

"And you, Vex?"

She wiped a tear from her cheek. "I don't know what the fuck I'm going to do," she said through tears. "I don't know how I'm going to go on without him. We've never been separated besides that year he was in Zephra with Keyleth, and even then we still saw each other often." She let out a short laugh. "I keep expecting to see him pop up from somewhere and try to scare me."

Gilmore squeezed her hand. "You'll figure it out. It will take some time, but you're a very strong woman, Vex'ahlia. And I have faith in you, just like so many others." He leaned in just a bit. "Your family, Vox Machina, will  _always_ be by your side. And they're going to mourn with you because they lost someone, too. But remember what you've done; you've saved the world and have done so much more in the process. You're...you all deserve a happy life. A quiet one. With boring diplomatic work." 

He smiled when he managed to get a laugh out of her. 

"I don't think strict diplomatic work is the life I'm destined for, dear." 

"Neither do I. You have me as well, Vex'ahlia." 

She stood and hugged him tightly. "He really loved you. He never stopped, he always cared about you. I'm sure he still does." 

Gilmore sighed. "I know. But his heart was never mine, and that's alright." 

They mulled over their drinks for a little while longer before Vex decided to head back to the castle to check up on everyone and specifically make sure Keyleth was doing alright. Gilmore promised to meet her there a little later. 

When the door closed behind her, that's when Shaun Gilmore broke. He slammed his fists into the wood.

"God dammit!" 

Once. Twice. Three more times he slammed his fists before falling to his knees, forehead pressed into the stone flooring heaving out sobs. Never before had he cried like this, not that he could remember.

He remained still for a little longer. "You are such a fool," he whispered. "I wish we'd had more time. You can't save everyone."

Eventually, Gilmore stood and adjusted himself, collected his things and made way to the castle. But not before casting a stream of purple arcane magic into the wood above the doorway and permanently etched a single feather, one of a raven, into the grain.

He looked at it with a sad smile. "Fly high, my bird."  

**Author's Note:**

> Come say hi to me over on Tumblr! 
> 
> maxbegone.tumblr.com


End file.
